Phenomenon: accepting my body
In a society where all shapes and sizes are considered beautiful, I concluded that mine are not. Moreover: I’m determined to reshape myself.
I welcome the wave of body acceptance. I see a positive shift in people’s attitudes towards their physique. I, myself too experienced this feeling of being at piece with the way I look. Truth be told, I shouldn’t have done that. “I’m just curvy, that’s just the way my body is,” I said to myself. But if I am actually honest with myself I’d say: “I don’t feel beautiful, I don’t feel sexy”. That does not mean I despise my curves, my two belly rolls, my stretchmarks. I simply feel that I could look better, feel better, generally just do better.
Recently I noticed how I’ve been subconsciously hiding my body. Bikinis did not make their way into my closet this year. I avoided them like I avoid homework, because I know I’ve gained weight. I bluntly ignored how my jeans would not fit me anymore, how some of my undies started to squeeze me together a bit. The subtle remarks my mom made about my weight I brushed off as ‘bodyshaming’. I ran away from it all, which is ironic since running is what I should have been doing all along.
I share this experience not to make you rethink yourself. I share this idea to burn my personal reality check into the endless void that is the internet so I won’t forget to improve myself not only physically but also as a person in general.