I find myself at times feeling ashamed for my social media use. Mostly because I just feel so much better when I am not scrolling through meaningless messages mixed up with articles of newspapers I am subscribed to. What is the point of knowing when someone has been online, whether they saw your message or not?
Social media filters me out, I think too much about what to reply and how fast I should do it .. It makes me feel like a polished version of myself….
Something that should make me feel more social, at times makes me feel anxious. I tossed my smartphone in the toilet bowl about two months ago, it was not on purpose. Though the moment the screen of my phone went black, the music I was listening to disappeared, I felt okay with it. It sort of felt like a death that was meant to happen. A death of not such a good friend that I rather quickly replaced with books. I might be experiencing a renaissance I think. It feels like the late 2000’s when you have to use an old Nokia that requires you to press a button four times in order for the letter ‘s’ to appear.
I think my most important thought here is that social media makes relationships appear at the tip of your fingers, literally. It feels like I am talking to the person I like, but I am not. My interaction in real life might differ. I might not think for five minutes until I have a good response, I vocalise my thoughts (sometimes with errors, not talking about spelling here) in the moment. Social media filters me out, I think too much about what to reply and how fast I should do it .. It makes me feel like a polished version of myself, one that soaked in soapy water for too long and ended up shining bright but also lost all of its rugged charm.
All of this makes me miss writing letters.